Well folks, the first third of 2024 is over, and I have posted a solitary update because life is fucking hard. Starting yesterday, I resurrected my decaying new year’s resolutions. What were they? I want to be more proactive about my happiness, focus on finding the paths which bring me joy, and stop living with the heavy clouds of the past overhead. Hence, today’s post! Buckle up, y’all.

After my traumatizing and disastrous experience with Nordstrom, I regrouped and helped my aunt’s family prepare for the ongoing care needed for two disabled adults. When I was ready to rejoin the workforce, I started in the Dillard’s lingerie department. There’s a strong element of discouragement for taking time when you’re sick within the company, and illness crept floor by floor, infecting both staff and customers like the red death itself.

Due to my autoimmune condition, I contracted a miserable, virulent strain of Norovirus. After four days of throwing up, I caved and told my dad to drive me to the ER in the middle of the night. I was so dehydrated and in so much pain, I thought my heart may literally stop. This was my first trip to the ER since my car accident, and I followed it with two more Urgent Care follow-ups. I was sick almost three weeks and required five saline infusions plus multiple OTC meds, hydration products, and prescriptions to heal.

I documented the ordeal extensively and have the $1,000+ worth of medical bills and receipts to prove it. When I was finally able to work, I called the operations manager because my direct supervisor stopped responding to me. The operations manager informed me I was not on the schedule because they changed my employment status to part-time. Furthermore, they were “actively recruiting” for my position. Nice. I quit and returned to freelancing while prioritizing my health.

Since Nordstrom, a flame sprung to light in my soul about whether I could or even should reopen the store. Dillard’s fanned the nascent flame into a consuming fire. Having witnessed the colossal failures of two major department stores, I knew what I offered was significantly better. I began researching small business loans and crowd-funding options. I cracked open my sales information to analyze the successes, the failures, and the areas for improvement. Spoiler alert: Swimwear is not coming back.

Beyond sales, I focused on consolidating brands, the general inventory assortment, and potential locations. My passion for this industry, both for helping people and for creating the best possible experiences, only fed the now roaring inferno. With over a decade of experience, I have the confidence to reinvigorate my dreams in ways which benefit both my customers and me. Nothing is decided yet, and plans may change. However, I cannot stop my mind from turning over ways to transform the waking dream into a tangible reality.

Then, April struck. April is my least favorite month of the year because I awoke one morning to find my mother committed suicide. The ugly head of grief rears often and in unexpected ways throughout the whole month. Some years, the grief is quieter and subtle; others I find myself crying in the shower every day. This year was the fifteenth anniversary of her death.

Soon my mother will have been gone from my life longer than she was a part of it, and my heart aches at the thought. My one solace has always been my boys, Einstein and Lord Rayden. Einstein passed two years ago, and on the eleventh, eleven days from the anniversary date, Lord Rayden crossed the rainbow bridge. He had been struggling for a year and had a stroke which rendered him blind and partially paralyzed. This was the first year since my mom passed I did not have my boys to snuggle and hug. Even though I am moving forward, my throat scratches and bleeds from holding back the tears while I type.

Fortunately, I have an amazing support system who love and care about me. They sent messages and words of encouragement to help me recover. It was a hard month. Now that it’s over, I’m closing the chapter on the first third of this year, and I plan to make the rest of 2024 better. We shall see if a relentlessly positive attitude can will away bad luck.

However, the year hasn’t been completely terrible. I went to this amazing Edgar Alan Poe Speakeasy at Castle McCullough. The event featured four signature cocktails perfectly paired to a performance of one of Poe’s poems or gothic tales. Fun fact: I am a massive Poe fan.

Growing up, if I could reach a book, I could read it, and when I was seven, I plucked a small compilation of Poe’s short stories from the shelf. The first story I read was The Oblong Box (although The Black Cat is my favorite). In college, I even wrote my senior thesis on him. Consequently, this was truly an amazing experience, and I am so glad I was able to take part in it. If they come back to town, definitely support the troop.

I also crossed off a long-standing item on my “To Do” list and revamped the whole website. The site requires a few more tweaks, but I am happy with the new look and excited to add content. Long-time readers sent multiple ideas for educational articles, and the number of items in my review queue is staggering. The new two weeks, I will write, edit, and schedule everything so that new content will post once or twice per week.

Furthermore, I updated the sale page with new items, all of which are under $20. I renewed my website fees, and all sales go toward offsetting the cost. You can also donate directly. Simply see the contact page for details.

Finally, if anything positive came from April, it was this: I realized how grateful I am for each and every one of you. Whether you are a friend, a follower, or a customer, the support I received over the last decade has been the best gift I never knew I needed. I don’t always see the love and know I can take it for granted. The tragic circumstances of my life permeate my moods, and I half-jokingly say I am cursed. Maybe in some ways that is true. However, focusing on the negative, on the pitfalls of the past, on all the people and things I’ve lost—it blinded me to how fortunate I am. Thank you everyone for all you have done for this grumpy, sullen writer and bra fitter. Truly. You brighten my life.

Erica

P.S. If you aren’t following us on social media, please consider doing so because I will update there about whether the store will reopen.